"Rather than for happiness, strive for peace"

I went to see a priest today, the weekend associate at my parish here at home. I had felt for awhile that I really wanted to talk to him for more than just the usual "hello" after Mass. He's a very intellectual man, incredibly well read, amazingly intelligent, very accomplished, while also being so accessible and just a genuinely good person. When he walked me into his office, I couldn't help but smile - it was perfect for him. Three ceiling-high bookcases lined the left wall, filled with spiritual reading and philosophical texts, as well as a few great literary works (I think I spied some Dostoyevsky). The room was impeccably neat - desk against the window wall, blinds open to let in the afternoon light, and a few pictures here and there, one of himself in his clerical garb holding a squirming, laughing baby. Three beautifully lush, green plants sat atop the third bookcase, spilling their trailing foliage down into the lower shelves. Coupled with the presence of this priest whom I admired and respected so much, it was the most calming and peaceful environment.

We talked for over an hour, and I really just let out whatever came to my mind. Sometimes just hearing myself talk helps me to figure out what's up with me or what I should do - and his wise interjections, wisdom, and third party perspective helped me tremendously. I came to the conclusion that I'm pretty impatient...and anxious that my own concupiscence will cause me to miss God's call for me. I want so much to really love Him, to not get caught up in the things that do not last, to return to Him His great love for me. And deep down I know the answers to all my worries. I really am a laid-back, roll with the punches kind of person - I just don't like uncertainties...where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do next. Ultimately I know these things will take care of themselves and that God's hand will be in it! But speaking with Father helped reassure and remind me once again of all that.

Here's a fun little fact that I found out from him. If you look at the San Damiano cross closely, you can see that Christ is depicted smiling - it is a little obscured by his moustache, but the corners of His mouth clearly curve up. Father showed me this on his cross when we were speaking about happiness and peace. "Rather than for happiness, strive for peace" - Christ was certainly suffering on the cross, and wasn't exactly what we would call 'happy' - but as Father said, if we could call a "time-out" on the crucifixion and ask Jesus if there was anywhere else He would rather be at that moment, he would say 'No' - because of his love for me. He would be at peace. Suffering and what we think of as 'happiness' may be incompatible, but suffering and peace are not.

Today, thank God for priests - say a quick prayer for them in their ministry to all of us.